Well it is a good thing that yesterday I had a perfectly lovely time baking cookies and watching Real Housewives, because today has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day!
Hello. My name is Alexander.
Guess What?!?!?! Trader Joes does not carry it anymore! I KNOW!
I stopped there today to pick up some stuff and meandered through the wine aisle, because I had a sneaking suspicion this might happen. Last year about this time I asked the wine guy there to please never stop stocking this wine and he said, “Oh we are phasing it out early next year”. Which I thought he was being funny, but now, well, you know, hindsight and all that……..THEN….3 weeks ago the shelf where it is kept was almost bare. It had 3 bottles (which I promptly grabbed, because my memory about it being phased out kicked in) but I totally asked the wine guy if they were discontinuing stocking it and he said they were getting a shipment on Tuesday. Hmmmph. The plot thickens. THEN my friend Missy (who also happens to love this wine) comments that her Trader Joes has not had it for weeks.
Well all this is rattling around in my brain as I am searching high and low in the wine aisle and someone apparently senses my angst as I am almost, but not quite starting to panic (I swear they are always watching me anyways, ever since Max stood on the side of the cart and tipped it over with Carly in it and caused a Big Brouhaha) and asks if he can help me find anything. So the conversation went exactly something like this:
Wine Guy “Can I help you find something?”
Me (calmly) “Yeah, I’m looking for this wine. It’s my favorite. Ever. And if you don’t stock it anymore Iamgoingtothrowthebiggesttantrumeverthrowninanytraderjoesanywhere. Ever”
Wine Guy “Hmmm. Looks like we don’t carry that anymore. Sorry, you could try this instead”
ME “Ummm, do you mean it’s gone?”
Wine Guy “Yep, it’s gone.”
ME “Do you mean gone like Brett Favre? Or really gone. Like for good?”
Wine Guy “We have replaced it blah blah blather blather blah blah…infinity”
OH friends. I wanted to go all Hayley Mills in the dance scene of the (original 1961 version) Parent Trap movie on him. You know, the scene where the first Hayley Mills cuts a big square out of the second Hayley Mills dress when she is on the porch with Trooper Stafford, thereby revealing her (rather enormous) white cotton panties to Camp Inch and the visiting Thunderhead Boys Camp? And then the two Hayleys (with the help of clever stunt doubles) get into a 1960’s slapfight and knock over the punch bowl and the GIANT cake sticks in the totem pole?
That was about to happen.
I wanted to throw myself on the ground and gasp and scream and writhe around.
Instead I pulled up my Hayley Mills big girl panties and I picked three other bottles of wine in hopes that one will compare. Then I took my three new bottles of wine, my clementines and my mini seedless watermelon and I went home.
And I googled. I googled and googled and googled.
I googled until I turned into a big googley eyed googleasaurus.
All I could find were rave reviews of MY WINE and people saying you could buy it at Trader Joes.
Good luck with that.
So I gave up the google. And I broke the news to my friend Jeni. I texted her because I could not bear to hear the grief in her voice.
And I steam moppped my floors.