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So I was reading this story on a message board today about how this squirrel got into this lady’s house and just tore the hello out of it. It was so bad she thought they had been robbed. There was apparently things overturned, broken & blood everywhere (apparently the squirrel cut it’s mouth while gnawing on the window frames).
This lady so believed that an intruder had been present that she ran out and called the police.
Who then showed up and the squirrel went all crazy hissing and stuff.
Can you imagine?
I was like-no way this happened.
It sounds made up.
And then from the recesses of my memory…..
I can’t believe that I forgot about the weasel that moved into our house when I was about 8-9.
It was crazy.
Apparently got in through the dryer vent, although who knows because we lived in an old farmhouse with all sorts of crevices that a weasel could fit through.
At first we blamed general kitchen disarray on the occupants of the house and also the dogs.
My mom could not come up with a plausible explanation for the stash of chicken bones in her underwear drawer.
I am totally not kidding you. I can still recall her puzzlement at finding half a dozen or so chicken bones in with her unmentionables.
Was this a haunting?
Well this weirdness went on for a couple of weeks and then I guess the weasel started to feel more at home. He got kind of brave and rather territorial. We would happen upon him in the kitchen and he would stand on his hind legs and ‘scold’ us.
Can I just tell you right now people?
Weasels are mean.
They have fangs and hiss.
It got really bad. Because the weasel got some sort of Alpha Weasel dominance complex. And his gentle scoldings got more violent and hiss-like.
Did I mention the fangs?
“Weasels are mammals forming the genus Mustela of the Mustelidae family. They are small, active predators, long and slender with short legs.
Weasels vary in length from 12 to 45 centimetres (5 to 18 in), and usually have a red or brown upper coat and a white belly; some populations of some species moult to a wholly white coat in winter. They have long slender bodies, which enable them to follow their prey into burrows. Their tails may be from 22 to 33 centimetres (9 to 13 in) long. As is typical of small omnivores, weasels have a reputation for cleverness and guile.
Weasels feed on small mammals, and have from time to time been considered vermin since some species took poultry from farms, or rabbits from commercial warrens. Certain species of weasel and ferrets have been reported to perform the mesmerizing weasel war dance, after fighting other creatures, or acquiring food from competing creatures. In folklore at least, this dance is particularly associated with the stoat.
Weasels occur all across the world except for Antarctica, Australia and the neighboring islands.”
I know he looks real cute here, but did you read the part about eating rabbits and chickens and THE WEASEL DANCE OF WAR!?!?!
Other members of the Mustelidae family are the fisher, the badger, the polecat (HELLO–SKUNK) and the wolverine.
We had a wolverine living in our house eating our chicken and hiding the bones among my moms Vanity Fair high cut briefs.
I think my brother eventually killed it with the old Clark Griswold method.
I’m gonna catch it in the coat… And smack it with the hammer. …
That’s all I got foks.
That’s all I got.